...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I love you. Go after that dick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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