yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize