apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize