I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
