ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
