what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
