My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
