She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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