If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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