I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
