Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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