Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
