i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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