Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
