she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
