Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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