I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize