I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
