dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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