Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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