at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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