Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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