i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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