I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
