the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
