just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
