New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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