so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I met the friendliest cop last night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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