I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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