Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
