all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
