you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
