He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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