Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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