I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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