highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
