I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
