don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
