Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
