i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Do vagina's smell?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
