Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
