ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
