I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
