She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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