Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
