I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
