I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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