rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
