So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
