i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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