Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
