i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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