This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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