all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
