I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
