Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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