I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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