He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry about my life...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
