found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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