After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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