you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize