her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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