Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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