you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
