I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
