At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
