my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
