they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
