there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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