i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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