Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
