Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
