At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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