East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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