He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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