When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just gargled with NyQuil
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
