taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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