I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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