Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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