She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
