anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
