I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
