I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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