I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
