Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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