take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
